How to Move On After Heart-Break!
It’s been two long years for him & me, of tears and laughter, joy and stress. I don’t regret one second of it all. But now it’s over and my heart feels like it got run over by a parade of dump trucks. I was thinking I was the only one, come to find out I was actually a secondary girl. You know what though….. I have some things to say about getting over heart aches and pains. So listen up closely.
Tip #1: BE REAL!
Sometimes break-ups are reality checks. So be real with yourself about whether it was really going somewhere or not. A lot of the time people stick together because they want to try to make a bad situation work. Some people stick together because they don’t know how to be alone or think they can’t live without the other person. Some people even stick together because nothing is going “wrong” per se, so there’s no concrete reason to end it. Most importantly, be real with yourself that it is not all his or her fault. Once you can admit that the blame is not all on the other person, you can stop pointing fingers at them and take a good look at yourself. This will teach you what red flags really are for next time. You were probably blinded this time and didn’t see all of them.
Tip #2: LET IT OUT!
Don’t hold in any tears. Telling yourself that the person is not worth your tears will not help. Because the time, energy, money, emotions, etc. were all worth your tears as well. Here’s what I did: I turned on Mya’s “Can’t Believe” and Aaliyah’s “How Could The One I Gave My Heart To” in my headphones and laid on his T-shirt and cried my eyes out until I couldn’t cry anymore. Also, talking to your friends and family about how you feel will help you. This does not include man-bashing. Just let him go, girlie.
Tip #3: LET IT GO!
If it’s over, honey, please just let it go. Don’t go on a big rant telling all your friends how much you hate him, and don’t go writing him letters to him about how it can work if you try one more time! Let it go. Stop calling. Stop texting. Stop following him on Twitter if you must, lol! Put the photos and teddy bears and gifts in a box and lock it away forever. I’m not crazy enough to burn these items (like some women actually do) because I feel like they will be interesting to look back on in the future so I’d regret it.
Also, take a look at your other ex-boyfriends. They used to mean so much to you at one point in time, but you can look back now and just laugh about the mess you had to go through with them, and it’s no longer painful to think about. Well guess what, this current break-up will be the same one day! It is NOT the end of the world. Pick your heart up off the ground. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!
Tip #4: PRAY!
Prayer works. That’s the God-honest truth! Pray for yourself and have others pray for you as well. Pray that you learn from your and his mistakes, pray that God places his hand on your heart for healing, and pray that you will take the lessons learned from the current failed relationship and hold on to them for the remainder of your life. God can help you with everything. And keeping in mind that God is a “jealous God,” I often wonder if he sometimes moves people out of our lives just to make more room for himself, lol. That’s fine with me.
Tip #5: TRY NEW THINGS
If you keep doing all the same things you were doing before, you’re leaving alot of room for memories to come back into the picture. Don’t allow yourself to be sad! Go out and do something new! Treat yourself and take your friends to a new restaurant, call an old homie that you haven’t seen in a long time and catch up, take lessons in learning a new sport or hobby, and most of all, make new friends. God removes people from our lives for good reasons. And he also put thems in our lives at the right times. Meet new people and different types of people.
i.e. Next week I’m going to go horseback riding! I really can’t wait. The trainer is going to teach me about horse care and how to saddle up to prepare for riding, then I can ride. I know it’s going to be scary at first, lol. But I love animals and looking forward to riding. I haven’t rode a horse since I was in elementary school! (Will post pics*)
…If you can’t afford it or your schedule is too busy for squeezing new things in, then just watch some new movies or read some new books/magazines. If you’re a female, the least you can do is buy yourself a new pair of shoes. *WINK*
Tip #6: CHANGE SCENES!
Take a weekend getaway by yourself, with family, with your bff, or with your whole group of friends – whatever way you like. If you ask me, I’d say a family vacation or a solo trip is best. This is mostly because your friends are going to be trying to fill your head with things like “HIS LOSS,” and “JUST GET OVER HIM,” and “STOP CRYING!” Just go off by yourself so you can have time to clear your mental and breathe.
i.e. I’m gonna go to the beach at Amelia Island and stay for a night or two the next weekend I get a chance. (Will post pics*)
…If you can’t afford to go on vacation or you don’t have time to change scenes like that, then just change scenes in your own home. Move furniture around, buy a vase of flowers, put up some new curtains, anything to change the way your apartment looks!
I was real with myself for a change, I have let it out, let it go, prayed nonstop, am planning to try new things ASAP, and made a change of scenes this weekend (I went to Pointes West Military Resort yesterday and saw my family, and now I’m in Atlanta with my buddy Amanda). Convenient for me that a long Memorial Day weekend was just ahead of my break-up/break-down to give me time to do these things!! And I hope that this helps anyone who has to go through a tough time like me. But I mostly hope that you don’t have to go through it at all, lol!