Be a best friend, tell the truth
And overuse “I love you”
Go to work, do your best
Don’t outsmart your common sense
Never let your prayin’ knees get lazy
And love like crazy
“A moment of clarity appeared in my life / The day you came along and opened up my eyes,
And although I wasn’t looking I came to find / The perfect reflection of what love should look like,
Cause I’m alright when I’m with you / Don’t have to change when I’m with you,
We’re both unusually, both undeniably, we’re just perfectly different”
Ladies… Specifically younger ladies. Whoever you are, if you are on my blog for some reason and you are in a relationship with a man and you are not happy, read this please. I am speaking from the depths of my heart to you in hopes that you will stop wasting your time waiting on a man. Trust me, I have been there and done that for many years of my life so I can definitely speak to you from pure experience. ‘Experience’ being three things – (1) me investing myself full force into relationships with boys, (2) me being almost-happy and therefore having hope that things will start to look up, and (3) crying and heartbroken in the end because the relationship failed for whatever reason.
You see. Those three things are the key to failure:
- If you are INVESTING too much of yourself and giving your all, this is actually NOT the thing to do with a boyfriend
- If you have HOPE that things will start to look up, you have already started on the WRONG foot
- CRYING. No man on earth should ever make you cry unless he is proposing to you or something of the sort
If you remember those three things, I guarantee you gals that you will find yourself happier. And THAT, my dears, is the one and only ultimate goal in love: Loving yourself and being happy. So it doesn’t matter if you end up being single for a while waiting on a good guy. The key to love is loving yourself and respecting yourself first and foremost. Let me explain…
First of all, don’t ever wait on a man unless you’re a freakin’ waitress. Matter of fact, do you know what waitresses do? They are told to wait on their customer, take orders, bring them whatever it is they desire, be on time and look decent, always smile, and at the end of the meal, the customer gives them a tip. You have to ask yourself are you willing to be treated like a waitress. (Even good guys can treat you like a waitress whether they realize it or not so pay attention). Do you want to put in time and work with a boy you like just to be given a tip at the end? And I don’t mean money, I mean literally a TIP — as in the SHORT end of the stick. We have got to stop the madness. If you keep wondering why you are giving your all and he still can’t give you 100%, I have been there too. Read some of my really old posts about heartbreak, lol.
Have a little more faith in yourself. No, a LOT more faith in yourself. If you don’t, he won’t.
There are tons of great guys out there. This is definitely not a blog post that is set out to say that guys don’t treat women right. What I’m saying here is that guys only treat certain girls certain ways. So if you are showing him that you are willing to give him what he wants, he is going to naturally start expecting you to give him what he wants. When he wants it. And how he wants it. Girl stop.
In case your daddy didn’t already let you in on this, women are God’s gift to the world and so you’d better not settle for less. We have to know and UNDERSTAND what it is that we want out of life and the people in it before we can think about expecting to be happy. But anyway, back to the subject on the table.
Here’s what to do:
- Instead of INVESTING everything you have into a guy that you like (i.e. making sure you look beautiful every time he sees you, cooking for him, sex, being there for him whenever he needs something, etc.), leave something to his imagination. And not just physically. What I mean is, if you’re trying super hard to be wifey, he won’t have anything to look forward to. You’ve already shown him every ounce of your potential by throwing yourself at him. Basically, don’t be so available. It’s the little things – stop waiting by the phone, stop trying to be perfect, etc. Make him want for you and make him long to hear from you and make him miss you being around because he misses your laugh and things of that nature *wink*
- Never ever be with a guy that you HOPE will change or that you HOPE will come around. Stop right there. If he’s too immature, he’s too flirtatious, he’s not ready to settle down, he’s too busy, whatever – don’t HOPE for anything with him. A guy that you have to HOPE will change is obviously not the one for you, correct? Because true love is when you can ask yourself: if I could change anything about this person to make them perfect for me, what would I change? -and the answer is that you wouldn’t change a damn thing! You should feel that way about a person before you begin to give him special attention and share personal things with him. And hopefully he would feel the same way about you. He shouldn’t be HOPING either. If he’s hoping that you get your life together and get your priorities straight, or he hopes that you will change your hair, or he hopes that you will make more money, anything – he doesn’t need to be with you if something about you makes him hesitate. Because that means you aren’t the one for him and/or you need to look at yourself and ask yourself if you’re even ready to be in a relationship right now. Now, everyone has room for improvement and everyone has potential. So I’m not saying you young’ns need to find a man that has a good job and drives an expensive car. I dated someone who was a cook at Sonic Drive-In and we had a fantastic relationship for three years! But what I’m saying is just know where you stand and know what you want for right now. Does this person make you smile?
- Which brings me to the third point: Has the person made you CRY??? This is the number one no-no. There is no way that someone that so-called cares about you can do something intentionally that hurts you. Open your eyes and realize that you deserve to be treated better. And if you don’t think you deserve to be treated better, you need to ask yourself what you want to change about yourself and your personal life that will allow you to have more self-love. Don’t waste your time on someone who hurts your feelings, doesn’t listen to you, doesn’t try to compromise with you, cheats on you, lies to you, and all that other nonsense. There are plenty of great guys. Just look around you. Don’t get hung up on just one guy and regret it one or two years later that you wasted so much time, money, patience, and love. You could have been giving all of that to someone who deserved it. And BETTER YET, you could have been giving all of that to…
The way to a man’s heart is NOT through his stomach, girl. Listen to me, I’ve been there and done that. The way to a man’s heart is through his heart. Think about it. Waiting on a man is stupid. There are many great guys out here, like I already said. But we can bring the best out of people by making the right investments and making sure we are not being used. It’s okay to invest. It’s okay to be hopeful and it’s okay to cry. But make good decisions. Make decisions that put a smile on your face at the end of the day.
Hope I helped someone today with this post, because it’s been on my mind for a while. But I do understand that most women have to learn the HARD way before completely understanding their own heart and mind and knowing what they deserve. I just wish everyone the best! Because I am finally happy and in love and I can say that I have never felt this happy and complete before. It’s out there for you too. Live and learn. That is all.